


Catch Me I'm Falling

by DestinyJoyHope



Category: The Candle Cult (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Backstory, Death, Fallen Angel, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-23 18:30:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4887265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyJoyHope/pseuds/DestinyJoyHope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My cultsona, Eve, and her backstory of how she joined the cult.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Join the Candle Cult here: http://thecandlecult.freeforums.net/

Her name was Samantha.

It was a simple case, really. She was second born into a small Christian family. Her mother stayed at home as a housewife and took care of her kids. Her father worked at a bank and taught piano on his days off to neighborhood kids. Her elder brother by a few years was in school and drew in his free time, wanting to be an animator. They didn’t have any pets since their mother was allergic, but occasionally got a fish and the brother pet-sitting for other families wasn’t uncommon. They lived in a small suburban town, a few blocks away from the school and a nearby public park. 

Samantha was three when she got baptized, a few weeks before she started preschool. When she started school, she picked up a few friends quickly, often playing at the park near her house. Her parents didn’t mind having her be alone; it was simply down the street, they could easily pick her up when there seemed to be trouble and they taught her what to do if the situation seemed unsafe. Her brother dropped her off and picked her up every couple of days so she could see her friends when she was younger. She often came home telling of her adventures of late, her parents always entertained by her stories of flying over Mount Everest or meeting creatures of the wood. As the years went by, she started going alone without her brother, and her tales began to become more intricate and complex than what should be for a girl of her age, but the notion of something odd was brushed off. After all, most parents believe that their child is simply more talented and creative compared to others their age and her brother was too caught up in his own world to listen.

It took a while for her mother to notice that Samantha’s stories no longer included her daughter, instead the heroic tellings of another girl, who her daughter called Lucy. Her mother knew that her class was filled with multiple girls, and Lucy wasn’t an uncommon name, and that she had mentioned more than once of playing with her closest companion of the same name at school and in the park. She didn’t remember many of the the specific traits of her daughter’s favorite companion, other than she was a wild child that often drug her own along on various small quests of a child’s imagination. She made a note to meet the mystery girl, but as time passed she had forgotten and moved on, becoming more distracted with her son’s growing abilities and transitions into high school. Her mother began to then only nod along with her fantasies, for they had begun going out of her realm of an adult’s imagination and comprehension to listen when distracted by life’s other various problems. And, like any child, Samantha had began to become less reliant on telling her mother of her latest addition to her string of yarns, more often than not when reaching home, took to her room than to her mother. 

It was fifth grade when Samantha stopped altogether.

Her brother did have to listen to these stories even after she stopped telling her parents. While her brother didn’t share a room with her, he might have well had. Their rooms were right next to each other, and the walls in between them weren’t very thick or soundproof. His sister was often annoyed by her brother’s loud music bursting through the wall at times, and in turn he was annoyed by her late-night reading out-loud. At least, that’s what it sounded like, especially her fawning and excitement over the tales he didn’t feel like listening to. He found it worse as time went by and she had started writing them down and she was an odd one who kept talking to herself while writing, never afraid to ask specific details or make noises of realization or excitement when she had a new idea. This ability, despite annoying to him, was somehow popular among her peers and she made more friends and started inviting them over. He retreated to the living room when her she brought her friends from school, and once he complained to their mom, he thought it was going to stop. However, their dad had gotten them both phones early in their lives since they walked to school alone, so by the time she was in sixth grade, he had to begin investing in earplugs.

And after a while, he’d simply grown accustomed to it, as it had become much more like background noise or a radio telling news.

He did notice one thing that still slightly bothered him. His sister had friends, and he’d met a couple of them and seen some that she had yet to bring over, none of them were the one that she woke him up in the middle of the night because she was talking to her. None of them were the girl she had been talking about nonstop ever since they were little. None her supposed best friend. 

Perhaps he’d seen the mystery girl once or twice when he dropped her off at the park when they were little, or she was just that kind of person that blended in with the crowd. It became a game for himself, trying to figure her out and who she was. He had made the occasional drawing of the girl by racking his memory, but were often discarded. The game went unnoticed by his family, and was forgotten after a short while.

There was the incident of when their father did see one of his son’s idea of Lucy, but he thought nothing much of it. It seemed to be a simple collaboration between sister and brother, after all. His son had submitted artwork into galleries and contests and his daughter had submitted her stories to her teachers for extra credit and the local library to show it off (by her parent’s persuation) and the logical explanation was it was just a joint work. He’d thought that it seemed to be quite the piece, though a bit overzealous in his opinion. 

There were a couple of times where he had mentioned to his daughter about taking the whole writing thing a bit more seriously, but she had waved the notion off, claiming that it wasn’t only hers, which made sense. It had always been her choice, after all. She was perfectly content with just hanging out with her friends rather than writing, telling her stories orally much preferred over officially publishing them. It might’ve explained why she liked hanging out at the park so much, with all the kids there. Or maybe it was the freedom instead. She was happy, nonetheless.

They were happy.

…

He’d been driving home from work.

It was slightly later than usual and the sunset had begun by the time he got home, though enough light remained for him to not require the headlights. The day had been tiring for him, however, so the main thing on his mind was getting home to take a nap. Maybe he’d ask Samantha for one of her stories; they were a bit more extraordinary than he liked on a normal day, but they were still great bedtime stories, like what he and his wife told their kids when they were younger. Maybe that’s where she and her friend kept coming up with them. It wouldn’t be an odd notion, in fact, and it would explain a lot. He’d have to ask her when he got home-

“ _ Stop! _ ”

The man snapped back from his mind wandering just in time to see his car collide straight into the girl in the middle of the road.

The day began to give way to darkness.

He fumbled with the seatbelt and stumbled out of the car as fast as he could, begging to God that it wasn’t who he thought it was, despite the house he recognized to his left and the time she usually began heading home. It couldn’t be her, it was impossible. It was someone else, anyone else. The dread almost overpowered the guilt of wishing this on someone else, it was just… it shouldn’t have happened. She was smart enough not to just run across the street. She was. She was alive, she had to be.

A choked sob sounded from behind him, and he turned to see his wife with her hand over her mouth, trying not to break down in the middle of the road. His son had taken his phone out, talking frantically to the operator on the other side, desperately trying to get them over fast enough so he wouldn’t be an only child.

Doors slammed and the crowd began to get more thick with people. Parents herded their children behind them to oversee the damage. Some pushed their way through to see the damage, only to turn away to vomit into the gutters because of the damage. The choice few turned away, moving on to their own activities, only coming to see if it would personally affect them. Some fell to their knees, praying for a miracle.

There was one person not doing anything.

Samantha’s mother looked up to see a girl standing frozen in horror.

The girl stared wide-eyed when the ambulance came in and the medics came out and zipped up the body. 

The ambulance's flashing light lit up the girl’s silhouette and the mother swore that she had a pair of wings.

More people, police and other medics, pulled her aside to ask about the accident, breaking her sight of the girl. Once she looked back, the girl had melted into the shadows and disappeared.

The remaining daylight turned to night.


	2. Chapter 2

“It’s not your fault.”

Then why did the scene keep playing over and over in her head, Lucy teasing Samantha for being a slowpoke to cross the road?

“I think they call it survivor’s guilt.”

That didn’t explain anything. Anything with a physical body was mortal, sure, but an angel couldn’t die from an accident like that. Humans could. She knew they could.

“It was a fluke in the system. She would normally survive up to a healthy old age, luck just wasn’t on her side.”

Yes, luck wasn’t on her side, just not for the reasons they think. Guardian angels weren’t supposed to show themselves to their ward. It wasn’t luck, it was her stupidity. The fluke in the system was assigning her to the girl, not in fate’s plans or whatever they tried to tell her. The guardian angel knew that they were supposed to avoid the temptation of showing themselves to their wards, telling them everything about themselves, to keep them happy through stories and adventures they would never get to experience, or to talk to them in the physical realm.  They weren’t supposed to meet them while they were alive. They were supposed to protect them, watch over them, influence their thoughts for the better but never too much, and once they died and if they passed life’s tests, congratulate them and finally meet them once they succeeded on living a happy life. Then they were supposed to go to heaven, and the angel would move on.

When first wards were assigned, they always made sure they were the most likely to be successful. A girl born into a Christian middle-class family in a safe neighborhood and good people was almost a certainty. It was nearly impossible to mess up unless you broke the rules. Lucy did. That’s why Samantha died; she broke the rules. It was common sense to why there were rules, and she had blatantly ignored them and showed herself to Samantha anyway. It was that simple. 

Nobody blamed her though. How could they without knowing the whole story? In their eyes, she didn’t do anything wrong. Their official take on the story was that Lucy watched over Samantha to the best of her ability and never did anything else. Her ward was careless, and she couldn’t do anything about it. To their knowledge, they tried their best to give her the easiest job, one with the most certain outcome to give her an easy success, and somehow, despite all odds, there was an accident that no one could’ve caused, just luck.

She didn’t tell them anything else otherwise. 

 

“Lucy, please. Things like this happen.”

Another common phrase she’s heard lately, from everyone, especially from her friends. She should get used to it at this point, and she couldn’t really blame anyone but herself for causing it in the first place. Turning them for comfort wasn’t some new idea to her at the time, she’d done it plenty before, but ever since her ward died they’d become… more of a nuisance than anything. She couldn’t put her finger on it when she started to notice this, or maybe it was just her changing her mind on things. She didn’t think it mattered much anyways.

The angel still curled in on herself in response, pressing her forehead again her knees so she wouldn’t have to look up at her friend’s attempts to connect and help her move on.

“Don’t you have one to look after yourself, Ami? Go and make sure she’s fine before you start worrying about me,” Lucy muttered barely loud enough for her companion to hear, much less hear the tinge of annoyance tracing her voice.

“She’s sleeping. They sleep for a long time you know,” she replied tartly. “I don’t know what you do when they sleep, but we normally just hang out. C’mon, the others are waiting.”

Lucy lifted her head and laid it against the tree behind her, looking up at the night sky above her. Right, they just relaxed and talked to each other out when their wards were safe and sleeping. They didn’t invade their dreams and go on adventures to tell them. That was just her.

“Oh, yeah, you do that,” Lucy replied tonelessly.

“You should start hang out with us when they’re sleeping, I mean, when you get a new ward.” Ami suggested. “We normally hang out ‘round here anyway, so instead of doing whatever you do while they sleep you can come along-”

“I’m not getting another ward.”

The words had spilled out of her mouth before she realized what she was saying, another seemingly eternal moment for Lucy to realize she had meant it. The idea had passed through her mind more times than she could count, though never a possible solution in her eyes, even thinking it out completely had always ended in her shaking her head and brushing it off. The whole concept of her no longer being a guardian angel because of one failure had always seemed to be an overreaction, the entire concept laughable to herself and her peers. Saying it outloud almost made her want to take it back, just tell Ami that was joking or kidding, until she heard sickening crash the car collide with the girl in the road before she shut her mouth and let the idea hang in the air.

It was met purely with frozen silence, but it only lasted a moment. 

“Why not?” 

The voice sharply through the air, not even bothering to hide her opinion.

Knowing well against making eye contact with the glowing ball of rage in front of her, she looked into the stars above her and shut her eyes, unable to look Him in the eyes either, her mind fumbling to make up some explanation to her split-second choice. “I-”

“It’s not your fault! Things like this happen and you need to get used to it anyway, you’re always going to outlive them. You can’t keep blaming yourself for a stupid and impossible to ever happen again accident! She’s fine! She hasn’t even made that many mistakes while you were watching over her, so you did a good job anyways.”

Even though her eyes were closed, she could practically see Ami tapping her foot impatiently for her response.   

“It’s not that, it’s just…”

_ What, Lucy, you don’t think you can stand the idea that you might give in again? _

_ You’re unlucky? _

_ They’re gonna die on you again? _

_ You’re going to hurt them? _

“It’s not my thing.” She mumbled incoherently, using her arms to pull her legs in closer and rested her chin on her knees, looking down at the ground.

“Not your thing? Wow, that’s convincing,” Ami replied. “I  _ really _ believe that. Everyone just decides ‘wow, I’m not good at this. I should just never do it again!’ That’s very accurate description of how people think. I think I’ll follow exactly in your footsteps, it’s an extremely healthy decision. Thanks for shining this light over the world’s eyes, they were very blind before your accurate revelation!”

Lucy looked up and glared at her friend, shifting to get up and stand. “That’s what humans say, and I’m not them. I don’t want to. I can change my mind every now and then, right?”

“And it’s  _ such _ a convenient time for you pick, huh?” Ami challenged, meeting eyes with her friend. 

Lucy wasn’t entirely sure why she was still continuing this conversation. There really wasn’t much of a point anymore, not with Ami constantly screaming at her to move on. “Look, Ami, I-”

“Lucy!”

She flinched and looked past her furious friend and towards the small one running towards her, cutting off her train of thought and emotions to bend a bit and offer him a greeting gesture. 

“Lucy, Lucy, Lucy!”

“I see you, kid,” She chuckled as the little one ran into her, scrambling into her arms as she picked him up.

“Guess what Troy did today! Guess, guess, guess!” 

She chuckled a bit as he bounced up and down with excitement, wings fluttering so fast he almost flew into the air. “Hey! I’m not a bouncy house. What happened?”

“I got a name!”

Lucy’s eyes widened a bit with a mixture of surprise and joy for the little guardian in front of herself. “Oh! Well, uh, that’s great!”

“That’s amazing, kid, what is it?” Ami smirked and picked the young one off of Lucy when his bouncing became a bit too much for her to control and set him on the ground.

“Harry!” He squealed, jumping into the air once or twice and defying gravity for a few moments before giving out and crashing onto the ground, though his excitement never deterred by it. “He picked it out while at school and his teacher gave him some book! Isn’t it super cool? I love it!”

“Let’s see if that one will stick,” Lucy replied, shooting a smirk at her companion. “Ami got about five different ones once?”

“Not my fault my ward isn’t decisive,” she shrugged, ignoring how Lucy stuck her tongue out at her. “I’ve been told that by the time they’re adults they forget about our names anyways, so it’s not that big of a deal.”

Harry gave a little pout, folding his arms. “I don’t think he’s gonna forget my name. Lucy’s didn’t forget hers!”

“Lucy’s didn’t even count as an adult before she passed on. We get new names when new wards give us new names, it doesn’t really matter after that,” Ami brushed off. “I only kept mine because she’s pretty much forgotten about me by now. When she dies, you keep your name until you get another one.”

“Really? Then Lucy, when do you get your new name?” He turned to Lucy, big eyes waiting expectantly for her to answer.

“I, uh…”

 

“...I’m not getting a new ward.” She answered softly, much more careful to take in account for his personal opinions and thoughts than Ami’s. 

“Really? Why not?” Harry asked, confusion ringing clearly in his tone and tilted his head in confusion at the angel.

_ Yeah, Lucy, why not? It is because you’re desperate for attention? You don’t think you can resist showing yourself? You can’t see another one die because you ‘know’ it’ll be your fault? Is it because you’re a liar? Is it because you don’t trust yourself? Is it because you don’t trust them?  _

_ Is it because you’re selfish? _

“Because I- I just- why should I?” Lucy blurted out, trying to block out the shouting in her head, trying to ignore how familiar the voice was, trying to get away from the only answers she could find. “Why should I just hang around to wait for them to die?”

“Why? This isn’t for  _ us _ , Lucy, it never has been,” Ami retorted, but as the beat passed she softened a bit at her friend’s expression. “Look, I’m sorry I don’t really understand what you’re going through. You’re not the only one who’s been through this though! Who just... quits! You have to-”

“I don’t need you to tell me I need to get over this.” She snapped at Ami, who pulled Harry back with herself as she stepped away from Lucy, flinching at her outburst. “Okay? You two can hang out here with everyone else after leaving your wards behind to hang out with other angels and then once they die, you can just get over it and move on and just keep on moving through the cycle forever. That’s what everyone does, so tell them I’m fine. I just don’t want to end up like them, unlike you.”

“Lucy, wait, please,” Ami begged, reaching out for her friend. “I didn’t mean-”

“Save it,” Lucy snapped. “I’m moving on.”

Not waiting for a response, she turned her back on them and left them behind.

They ignored how her light was dimmer than it ever had been before.

 


End file.
